Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1386 of 6384
Dating 101: Let me buy you food and grab your booty
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12-14-2015 23:34
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Meanwhile, Woody Allen has married his adopted daughter and still makes movies. DuPont heir Robert Richards rapes his 3 year old and serves no jail time. Roman Polanski raped a 13year old and left the country while on bail yet he STILL receives awards
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12-14-2015 23:17
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Shouldn't you be camping out somewhere waiting for Star Wars?
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12-14-2015 23:12
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Pill Cosby is now suing his victims? What kind of a sick world are we living in now?
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12-14-2015 22:51
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I knew I had nailed it when she said she didn't remember seeing me do my Bill Cosby impersonation.... or anything else that night.
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12-14-2015 20:52
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I farted today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!
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12-14-2015 20:04 by Yerrrr
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I can't wait for self driving cars to come out so I can finally say ; Go home car I'm drunk
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12-14-2015 16:02
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I'm a pretty funny guy I'm told, But I went on a date with a woman the other night, she did NOT like by Bill Cosby Impersonation .
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12-14-2015 16:02
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*my finger on her lips* sshhhh, I just told you what I think, don't ruin the moment by saying what you think too.
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12-14-2015 12:46
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Haven't heard much from Clinton lately...she's trying hard to think of something truthful she may have said and trying to build a pathetic campaign around it.
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12-14-2015 10:31
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If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
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12-14-2015 08:39
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The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
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12-13-2015 19:44 by snotty
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Just once, I want someone to look at me and say,, “That’s him, He’s the one”...And not follow it with, “Who ate cake out of the garbage”
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12-13-2015 19:30 by snotty
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Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn't it?
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12-13-2015 19:21 by snotty
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Crap. Got another Canadian quarter in change. But I’m a clever one; now it’s the Salvation Army’s problem.
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12-13-2015 19:19 by snotty
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Fun party hosting tip: Put dozens of extra coats on the bed. When guests ask where everyone else is, laugh maniacally & change the subject.
At this point the only other thing Trump could possibly say to anger anymore people is if he said he hated doughnuts.
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12-13-2015 09:55
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Don't ever Under any circumstance Call me by my Government name in public.
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12-12-2015 20:02
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i'm so unlucky,,, if I fell in a bucket of t!t'$ ,,,, i'd come out sucking my thumb!
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12-12-2015 19:03 by PDP
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Marry a woman who can cook. Anyone can scr3w but a good cook is hard to find.
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12-12-2015 15:54
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