Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1376 of 6384
Steven Tyler's mic stand has so many scarves on it that I always thought he was just screaming at Johnny Depp and trying to strangle him.
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12-30-2015 13:04 by Czovczov
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know what my New Year's resolution is going to be. But I'm not going to share it in case I fail so I won't be held accoutable by anyone but me.
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12-30-2015 11:05
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If you can't tell the difference between delivery and digiorno, there's a good chance you've been fooled by a tranny once or twice as well.
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12-30-2015 09:28
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American Police Force giving ISIS a run for its money in the brutality department.
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12-30-2015 00:15
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My ex got me arrested cause I used to sit outside her house all day. She thought I was stalking her but I wasn't, I just had her WiFi pass.........
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12-29-2015 23:23 by Czovczov
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Clapping is just high-fiving yourself for someone else's accomplishments.
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12-29-2015 19:17
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At some point a man realizes he's better off with a sane 6 or 7 than a crazy 9 or 10.
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12-29-2015 17:54
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I hate it when people ask me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?". I mean, seriously, I do not have 2020 vision!
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12-29-2015 17:36
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My New Years resolution is to never make New Years resolutions!
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12-29-2015 08:14 by JAB
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I literally have no idea what day it is...zero
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12-28-2015 23:13
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You ever wanted to post something but just didn't know what to say so you just didn't post anything
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12-28-2015 17:39
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You're so old, that when you were young, rainbows were black and white.
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12-28-2015 17:32
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Hillary is a super good person and would make a fantastic president not to mention a great piece of azz.... said no one EVER.
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12-28-2015 15:35
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True,you do sign up knowing you could die as a Seal. But,when Hillary signed up to do her job she failed and covered it up with lies
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12-28-2015 15:17
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Why regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted...
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12-28-2015 15:03 by Scmc1st
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How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
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12-28-2015 10:18
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You don't see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don't see psychics winning the lottery every week.
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12-28-2015 10:10
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Opinions don't affect facts, but facts should affect opinions, and do, if you're rational
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12-28-2015 10:09
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Judges 19:22-30New International Version
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12-28-2015 10:06
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Did you know xanax and chicken are both gluten free?..... *This diet really isn't that difficult.
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12-27-2015 17:47 by snotty
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