Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We Germans are happy to help and will give any American refugee who wants to flee from the US in case Trump becomes elected president

   My kid thinks I'm some kind of wizard because I can start a car by blowing in a tube.

   I love your warm body. I love the way you smell, taste. The way you wake me up inside. Coffee

   When all the women of twitter's periods finally synch, the world is over.

   Only cheaters vote for Hillary

   So Sarah Palin is endorsing Donald Trump. This just gets better and better doesn't it?

   OK. So who else has a wife who says "Honey, will you taste this milk to see if it isn't spoiled?"

   It puts the lotion on its skin,, or it gets the eczema again.

   "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never been to Canada

   Why are rat traps in the car-care section of this Walmart supermarket? Plenty to catch if they set it at the front of the store..

   Keep in mind that: 🍟 fries 🍔 burger 🍕 pizza 🍝 spaghetti 🍩 donut 🍦 ice cream 🎂 cake 🍫 chocolates will never break your ❤

   The date I had last night didn't go very well. She called me immature. But its okay. She has cooties anyway. :-P

   If you come across a stranger in a dark alley immediately hug him so he knows you're not a threat.

   Take your age, don't add anything don't subtract anything. That's your age.

   I'm celebrating mlk day. I use the Ebony category on p orn hub today

   When you unlike my humanitarian posts, I think you're on the beast side, I imagine a person with an extreme antisocial disorder, say an undetected killer or with potential to be a serial killer.

   Heartache tonight. RIP Glenn Frey.

   I Was just involved in a 'Canadian standoff....' (we were each holding the door open, insisting the other go first)

   A hint to the wise, a rod to the invader.

   "I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped