Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon FREE HARLEY DAVIDSON; When you purchase a tee-shirt for $40.000
←Rate | 03-21-2016 18:19 by MWC Comments (1)  


   messageicon College student: I just graduated and can't find a job. I'll go back to school. Bernie Sanders; The economy is terrible and there are no jobs, let's send everyone to free college!
←Rate | 03-21-2016 16:11 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place if a certain group of people would be more tolerant. I'm speaking to the lactose intolerant people out there. Stop the hate.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 15:41 by lohungrob Comments (0)  


   messageicon 9 out of 10 men prefer women, and that other guy, well he prefers one of those 9 men.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 14:33 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bernie "MAKE AMERICA POOR AGAIN"
←Rate | 03-21-2016 13:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please enjoy my TED Talk, "Turn Signals: They're How You Tell Other Drivers What the Heck You're Doing"
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:58 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gained so much Winter weight, I had to go buy a pregnancy test just to be sure
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I've looked everywhere" to men is really.. "I gazed around the floor then opened and shut 3 cabinets"
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Looked over and saw my phone on the table. Afraid to check my back pocket.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:45 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Texted my wife "Nooooooo!" but it autocorrected to "Mooooooo!" and now I can never come home
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm here to do three things: learn how to count and fight people who call me a liar. And buddy, I already learned to count.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: They'll never give me control of the church bells and even if they do I’ll abuse it and lose the privilege so fast.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:38 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before smartphones I remembered phone numbers. Like lots. Of all my friends and family. Was I Rain Man?
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon when filling out the app. for my drivers license it ask for my race, I put down nascar...
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never lose my virginity cause I wanna set a good example for my kids
←Rate | 03-21-2016 08:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Studies suggest that 9 out of 10 men prefer a women with curves. The 10th man drives a Ford and prefers the other 9 men.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 07:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm turning over a new leaf" -Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman
←Rate | 03-21-2016 07:35 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not here to fix your problems, i'm here to set an example of what happens when your problems don't get fixed.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the end of the day, a clown somewhere is busy washing off the makeup after a hard day at the circus. A woman somewhere is also doing the same.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 07:16 Comments (0)  




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