Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...

   Seeing purple rain from his Little Red Corvette

   Here's how unreal Prince was: he made Minnesota cool

   I installed some software today and decided to actually read the terms and agreement. 45 minutes later I clicked Agree but still had no idea what I was agreeing to.

   Since tomorrow is Earth Day I have decided to spend the day there and enjoy the celebrations

   RIP: The artist formerly known as Alive.

   I just heard that Prince just went to Chyna.

   Rest in Peace Prince

   The Queen has out lived the Prince

   The good news is they're putting a woman on the $20 dollar bill... The bad news is it will be worth only $14.

   The last time I had a decent sleep was for nine months when I was in my mom's womb.

   "I'm sorry" and "My bad" mean the same thing unless you're at a funeral.

   Beginning to think my dog will never accept my leg 'just wants to be friends.'

   Boss just announced he is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.

   if you're a tailor and your shop's name isn't "Britches get stitches" then what's the point?

   I didn't know Harriet Tubman was a dead president?

   Always love April 21st as it's Random Drug Testing Day at work.

   Great green moon tonight for 420

   I ain't saying she's a gold digger but she has emphysema and is missing four fingers. Maybe she's a coal miner.

   Tubman to be on the $20, there is your reparations, now shut up.