Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1337 of 6446

   messageicon Actor Wendell Pierce announced he is investing in a $20 million Baltimore apartment complex that will offer homes to artists at a discounted rate. Why is this news if Kanye West and/or the Kardashians aren't involved in some way?
←Rate | 04-11-2016 00:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One does not simply talk to their pet in a normal voice....no they don't, oh no they don't.
←Rate | 04-11-2016 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of national siblings day... I wish I would have grown up with money instead of siblings. :)
←Rate | 04-10-2016 19:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Perfect High School Prom Theme For 2016: An Enchanted Night at a Trump Rally.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 16:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My goal in 2016 is to show my fellow Trump supporters who aren't single how awesome being single is.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 16:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Hardy Boys tackle their toughest mystery yet in, "F*cking Run, The Sun Exploded!"
←Rate | 04-10-2016 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unicorns are real -- They're just fat, grey and we call them Rhinos.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 15:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Popularity allows you to live with others, but integrity lets you live with yourself.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tax day is just a few days away so get out there and check those dumpster and trash cans for receipts.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To reduce the chance of being audited during tax season, I always send my return tucked into a freshly baked loaf of banana bread.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a “How’s My Driving?” bumper sticker on her car…The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A big shout out to all those people who wrote the answers in our textbooks, when we were in school.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to start a band called "Day Job" so that when we play and people say "don't quit your day job" I'll be like "thanks we practice a lot".
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling someone “stupid” is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it’s just a diagnosis.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I honestly thought you already knew.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said she bought the lingerie from Victoria Secrets for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I don't get women.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never purchase the trial size version of Colgate toothpaste and leave it on the bathroom counter next to your CVS Hemorroidal Cooling Gel. You may feel refreshed down below, but your breath smells like sh*t.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s prom time. One year, I had to take my cousin to the prom. I don’t know who was more embarrassed — him or me.
←Rate | 04-10-2016 08:02 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left