Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1331 of 6384
How does Kanye West need a billion dollars for ideas? Ben Franklin discovered electricity with a kite.
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02-17-2016 03:19
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National Drink Wine Day is February 18th....why is this not a stat holiday?
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02-17-2016 01:12
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Whoever said "Do the job right the first time and you'll never have to do it again"....never shoveled a Canadian driveway.
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02-16-2016 20:40
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Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation's children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
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02-16-2016 20:39
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When one of my friends leave I say "Stay Gold Ponyboy" and they just stare at me because they don't have no idea what I'm talking about.
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02-16-2016 20:33
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Carl Grimes could be the new mascot for the Oakland Raiders
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02-16-2016 20:19
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I'm as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
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02-16-2016 17:06 by jkmen
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If there's a pedicure, why are there still pedophiles?
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02-16-2016 17:05 by jkmen
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There are a million different ways to say "I Love You": "Put your seat belt on", "Watch your step", "Did you eat?", "Get some rest". You just have to listen.
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02-16-2016 16:52
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I've got two tickets to Crazy Town. Who wants one?
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02-16-2016 15:33
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Can I get 10,000 "Likes" for God is awesome?
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02-16-2016 15:30
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I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I'm basically a golden retriever.
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02-16-2016 14:36
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Hillary Clinton made barking noices during yesterday's rally. I bet she is trying to get the dog vote now.
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02-16-2016 14:30
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"Best thing about prison, man, was crochet. I loved crochet" -- Man overheard on bus
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02-16-2016 14:26
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Welcome. Hi Americans! Donald Trump may become President of your country! If that happens, and you decide to get the hell out of there, may I suggest you moving to Cape Breton Island, Canada!
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02-16-2016 14:20
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Dance like its back in 1999 when no one had a camera phone.
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02-16-2016 13:02 by Czovczov
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I don't know about these Capital One commercials with Samuel L. Jackson. There's something about an angry black man asking "What's in your wallet?" that scares me.
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02-16-2016 12:44
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The two best days of my life was when I got engaged and the day we broke it off. . .
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02-16-2016 12:26 by JAB
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The smartest thing I never did, was get married. . .
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02-16-2016 12:26 by JAB
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I don't know about these Capital One commercials with Samuel L. Jackson. There's something about an angry bl@k m@n asking "What's in your wallet?" that scares me.
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02-16-2016 10:55
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