Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1325 of 6446

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.
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04-23-2016 04:03
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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
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04-23-2016 04:02
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My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
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04-23-2016 03:59
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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
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04-23-2016 03:58
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What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
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04-23-2016 03:55
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I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
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04-23-2016 03:53
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Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
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04-23-2016 03:53
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I learned something about Prince, that doves actually cry. Hmmmm.
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04-23-2016 03:34
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♫♪♫ If you're happy and you know it's your meds ♫♪♫
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04-22-2016 23:03
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If Prince can kick Kim Kardashian off the stage I should be able to kick her and all Kardashian nonsense off my Facebook feed.
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04-22-2016 21:34
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"Huh?" -Vincent Van Gogh................. "What?" -Ludwig von Beethoven
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04-22-2016 19:41 by Snotty
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Each of my teardrop tattoos represent french fries I dropped between my car's seats.
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04-22-2016 19:33 by Snotty
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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... So, After doing the math, the times were pretty much average.
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04-22-2016 19:32 by Snotty
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I got a membership to Sam's Club and my name isn't even Sam... *lol,, These guys are idiots.
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04-22-2016 19:14 by Snotty
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ZOOKEEPER: As you all know, one of the penguins has somehow gone missing & we need to find it.. ME: *nervously* it's finders keepers tho,,, right?
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04-22-2016 19:11 by Snotty
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Happy Earth Day everyone. Suck it, Mars!
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04-22-2016 18:37
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Now that there will be a woman on the $20 bill does that mean it will be worth less than the ones with men on them?
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04-22-2016 18:18
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..... In celebration of Earth Day, I took my dog outside and let her fertilize the ground ...
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04-22-2016 18:09
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They should put Harriet Tubman on the EBT card instead
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04-22-2016 15:52 by MWC
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Happy Pretending We Know What We Can & Can't Recycle Day!
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04-22-2016 13:16
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