Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 04:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 04:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 03:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 03:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 03:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 03:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 03:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I learned something about Prince, that doves actually cry. Hmmmm.
←Rate | 04-23-2016 03:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ♫♪♫ If you're happy and you know it's your meds ♫♪♫
←Rate | 04-22-2016 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Prince can kick Kim Kardashian off the stage I should be able to kick her and all Kardashian nonsense off my Facebook feed.
←Rate | 04-22-2016 21:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Huh?" -Vincent Van Gogh................. "What?" -Ludwig von Beethoven
←Rate | 04-22-2016 19:41 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Each of my teardrop tattoos represent french fries I dropped between my car's seats.
←Rate | 04-22-2016 19:33 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... So, After doing the math, the times were pretty much average.
←Rate | 04-22-2016 19:32 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a membership to Sam's Club and my name isn't even Sam... *lol,, These guys are idiots.
←Rate | 04-22-2016 19:14 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon ZOOKEEPER: As you all know, one of the penguins has somehow gone missing & we need to find it.. ME: *nervously* it's finders keepers tho,,, right?
←Rate | 04-22-2016 19:11 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Earth Day everyone. Suck it, Mars!
←Rate | 04-22-2016 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that there will be a woman on the $20 bill does that mean it will be worth less than the ones with men on them?
←Rate | 04-22-2016 18:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... In celebration of Earth Day, I took my dog outside and let her fertilize the ground ...
←Rate | 04-22-2016 18:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should put Harriet Tubman on the EBT card instead
←Rate | 04-22-2016 15:52 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Pretending We Know What We Can & Can't Recycle Day!
←Rate | 04-22-2016 13:16 Comments (0)  




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