Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Screw getting an alarm system. I've seen Home Alone, I know what to do.

   I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me...

   The worst part about waking up alone is not having someone to kick out of bed to make me coffee.

   An angry mob of nerds can be dangerous. The only thing stopping them from tipping cars is physical ability.

   When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

   I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams.

   If someone ever tells you "we need to talk" they dont care about anything you have to say.

   I think it's funny that whoever deleted me from Facebook was so important that I dont know who it is...

   n't it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life.

   My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.

   If I don't answer my phone the first time you call, calling 5 more times isn't going to make me answer.

   Don't tell me I'm insulting your intelligence when it's obvious you have none

   Idiot-[id-ee-uht] noun: One who disagrees with me. Synonyms: Fool, Half-wit, Imbecile, Twit, Moron

   Nothing funnier than a pissed off mall cop on a Segway. With those goofy helmets on, I just can't take them seriously.

   If you're a millionaire and you don't have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you're wasting it.

   If you need time alone, announce that it's time to clean the house.

   Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet.

   One of the most exciting things about life is not knowing what's next.

   2011: same sh!t, different digits.

   I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.