Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Any relationship before marriage is just training.

   You don't find the meaning of life, the meaning of life finds you.

   These liberty tax male lady liberty people on the side of the road make me happy I'm not them.

   Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.

   Nothing makes people happier than when you are wrong and they are right.

   When I see people outside, smoking in freezing temperatures, it makes me wonder what else I can get them to do.

   At the beginning of a relationship, I wonder if women rub their hands together and say "Let the games begin!"

   Every day of my life is like an episode of LOST, something crazy always happens and I never have any idea what's going on.

   Damn, just about got in a head on collision with some idiot who doesn't know how to text and drive nearly as well as I do.

   Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

   I had social networking when I was a kid, too. I think back then it was called "outside."

   This 'places' thing still scares me a little. It's like saying, "Hey stranger, come find me, look I made it really easy for you."

   Now that you really think about it, you've never seen me and Batman in the same room have you?

   Who is wise? He that learns from everyone. Who is powerful? He that governs his passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.

   If you only remember one thing today, remember this.

   I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

   There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a Facebook account and those who shouldn't have a Facebook account.

   I wish I could make it illegal for anyone to wake up before 6am.

   Impossible is just a fancy way of saying, "No on else has figured out a way to do this yet."

   I hate when I fall into the trap of acting like I know something and then get asked follow-up questions.