Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't take selfies too frequently because I'm not a baby dolphin killer

   We must take this country BACK to make it great again. Mill jobs for children! Full-body wool swimsuits for women! Tuberculosis for all!

   "As you get closer to the primary's reality has a way of intruding!" President Obama.

   I wish the GOP had gone after Obama the way they're going after Trump.

   My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in two weeks.

   Quote from my 13yr old daughter, "I'm glad I don't live where Trump lives! He's an idiot! He's even dumber then our President!" We live in South Africa.

   Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it'll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I'll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I'm selling potatoes

   dear america, this years election is your IQ test. Right now it doesnt look good ... -the world

   I take "Donald Duck" more serious than "Donald Trump"

   We are about two elections away from deciding President by monster truck rally or burping contest.

   ..... Apparently Ben Carson did the best in tonight's Debate ....

   Leonardo DiCaprio grows a beard ... wins an Oscar. Apparently it makes a difference.

   ..... I Dunno about Grizzlies Mr. Obama .... But I'm pretty sure Black Bears Matter ....

   She wants to go steady she says, it will be great she said. Until she said, tell me your pass words. Over my dead body I said. . .

   Oscars so white, no fried chicken on the menu.

   I certainly hope the douche who stole my credit card enjoys his $14.03 shopping spree.

   Forget dancing like no one is watching. Dance like a toddler. They don't even care if there's music....

   Trump: We all have that one special person whose presence just instantaneously angers us.

   If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never ever let them go, unless his name is Donald J. Trump.

   If Bruce Jenner can win Woman of the Year, I see no reason why Sarah Jessica Parker can't win the Kentucky Derby. Giddy up!!!