Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Starting to think that guy in the mirror doesn't like me.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to donate all of my Leisure Suits to the Salvation Army. I'm starting to think that fashion isn't coming back.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 17:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what bathrooms Bill will use if he becomes first lady?
←Rate | 05-09-2016 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do....
←Rate | 05-09-2016 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the Economy, All dollar stores will be accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now accepting applications for: "PARTNER IN CRIME" Must be fluent in smart-@$$, sarcasm, and adult language. Questionable morals and nudity may be required.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing screams I need to get laid like screaming I need to get laid!
←Rate | 05-09-2016 12:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hillary gets elected, Bill will be the ugliest first lady ever.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 10:51 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to serve my wife breakfast in bed but she wouldn't cooperate. By the time I got her tied up so she couldn't get out I had to feed her myself. It got a bit messy, but happy mother's day anyway
←Rate | 05-09-2016 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to drink coffee while laying down in bed but I'm trying.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 6 year old is telling me a story, oh wait, now he’s 9.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I sexted you with Air Supply lyrics.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon He died doing what he loved; shouting 'boo!' behind horses.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 00:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damned phone... I keep typing that "I need to get laid" and it keeps autocorrecting to "I need to get lard" and now people are sending me cans of Crisco. :(
←Rate | 05-08-2016 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.
←Rate | 05-08-2016 21:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon To those with crappy moms, Happy ignoring your crappp mom day. It makes her miserable.
←Rate | 05-08-2016 19:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ozzy should not have forgotten to tell Sharon Happy Mothers day
←Rate | 05-08-2016 16:49 by smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon All Mom's gave birth to a child, except mine she gave birth to a legend!!! **High fives my Mom on Mother's Day**
←Rate | 05-08-2016 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's time for America to stop coddling idiots and ignorant people. Trump for President is the logical conclusion of the cuts in education that Republicans have been pushing for decades.
←Rate | 05-08-2016 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sure Trump may not be the best looking President, but we will have the hottest first lady ever
←Rate | 05-08-2016 12:11 Comments (0)  




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