Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1308 of 6446

I don't really know the difference between yoga pants & leggings and frankly, I don't care.
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05-10-2016 17:32
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Donald Trump is the match and the GOP is the oil, let's burn this party down!!!
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05-10-2016 16:42
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The stupidest, ugliest Presidential campaign in my entire life: House of Cards meets Sharknado...
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05-10-2016 15:20 by eengrms
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Stephen King has been murder slaying Trump on Twitter since the "rabid coyote" descended the Trump Tower escalator in June.
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05-10-2016 13:13
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Due to the recent debate over public restrooms from this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... Pats!
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05-10-2016 12:39
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Me: I don't know how to dance to this kind of music Beer: yes you do
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05-10-2016 09:00
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If you are a man, no matter what you do or don't do, there will always be at least one woman somewhere on this planet who is angry with you for a reason you know not.
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05-10-2016 07:50
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When it comes to towel-heads, I am with Donald Trump. These barbarians should not be allowed in a civilized society. They just stabbed people in Germany today.
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05-10-2016 07:41
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Both of these candidates belong behind bars. One in a zoo, the other in prison.
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05-10-2016 06:16
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The GOP like war so much that they started a civil war within their own party.
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05-10-2016 01:44
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"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I'M ASKING THEM"
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05-10-2016 01:19
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Married sext: you were so good in bed last night... I didn't hear you snore once.
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05-10-2016 01:16
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Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
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05-10-2016 01:15
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Global warming is caused by people being uncool.
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05-10-2016 01:12
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Nice Fitbit bro. I didn't realize that they had a model you can wear around your ankle.
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05-10-2016 01:11
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Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount....
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05-10-2016 01:10
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One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
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05-10-2016 01:10
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How to put on deodorant: 1. Apply deodorant. 2. Wait two seconds. 3. Try and remember if you put on deodorant. 4. Reapply deodorant.
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05-10-2016 01:09
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Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
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05-10-2016 01:05
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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
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05-10-2016 01:02
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