Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diet Journal, May 10th: Ate 3 saltines like a wolf pack taking down a caribou.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Have my doubts about this "smart water," considering how easily it's captured and bottled.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any sandwich is a panini if you sit on it.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want the self confidence of a cat.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A poll finds Donald J. Trump is less likable as the often criticized Canadian rock band Nickelback and even less favourable than a root canal.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey .... Does this big belly make me look fat?
←Rate | 05-10-2016 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's this one really stupid cop that's been following me around flashing his lights ..... Doesn't the idiot notice all of the other people on this road driving the wrong way!!!! ...... Sheeeeesh
←Rate | 05-10-2016 21:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... I'm so old that I actually remember a time when people used to know which restroom to use!! Ahhhhh .... Those were the days ....
←Rate | 05-10-2016 20:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know about you but people make me want to say bad words.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 17:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't really know the difference between yoga pants & leggings and frankly, I don't care.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 17:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump is the match and the GOP is the oil, let's burn this party down!!!
←Rate | 05-10-2016 16:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The stupidest, ugliest Presidential campaign in my entire life: House of Cards meets Sharknado...
←Rate | 05-10-2016 15:20 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stephen King has been murder slaying Trump on Twitter since the "rabid coyote" descended the Trump Tower escalator in June.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 13:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the recent debate over public restrooms from this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... Pats!
←Rate | 05-10-2016 12:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I don't know how to dance to this kind of music Beer: yes you do
←Rate | 05-10-2016 09:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are a man, no matter what you do or don't do, there will always be at least one woman somewhere on this planet who is angry with you for a reason you know not.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 07:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to towel-heads, I am with Donald Trump. These barbarians should not be allowed in a civilized society. They just stabbed people in Germany today.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Both of these candidates belong behind bars. One in a zoo, the other in prison.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 06:16 Comments (0)  




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