Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Let's play the unicorn game where I rub your magical horn until you shower me with glitter.

   ...... Liberals are obviously Latinophobes .... Ever notice how Liberal/Progressives say they are moving to Canada if Trump gets elected and never Mexico?

   President Lyndon B. Johnson owned an amphibious car and would scare his guests by driving into a lake, screaming about brake failure. Those are the same people who don't like Obama.

   "Like" this if you know someone who is alive today because you are just too darn lazy to kill them....

   For all those guys wearing skinny jeans....I believe you took the phrase "getting into her pants" the wrong way.

   Trump: I love making people who already hate me hate me more.

   If your friends aren't making fun of you, they aren't really true Trump supporters.

   If you're friends aren't making fun of you, they aren't really Trump supporters.

   Stop knocking on my door wanting to talk about the Lord and I will stop coming to your door wanting to talk about alcohol, weed and freaky sex.

   Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

   Trump, Cruz, and Rubio are the champions of unintelligable yelling. Sixth graders can debate better than these three clowns.

   So true the Republicans waited until the black guy dropped out the Presidential race before they started comparing genital sizes...

   If you "like" this status, someone you hate will step on a lego.

   It's Thursday and I don't need any inspirational messages to start my day, just spike my coffee and shut the f*ck up.

   As I admired my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get kicked out of this Home Depot any minute now."

   Just read that serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer's house is for sale and no one is interested. I get it though, no one wants to live in Ohio.

   Pro Tip: You're not truly a parent until you've given your child the middle finger behind their back while mouthing, "F*ck you!"

   Don't forget this one thing folks, tonight the Moon will be visible from Earth. The last time this happened was last night.

   There's always a guy in all coffee shops sitting at a table, not on his iPhone, not on a laptop, not even on an iPad, he's just drinking coffee, like a psychopathic murderer. Don't forget to say "Hi" y'all!!!