Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why Women Cry: 1) Sadness. 2) Happiness. 3) ??????.

   Donald Trump has no political experience whatsoever. Meanwhile you need 5 years experience for an entry level management level position at Chilli's.

   Things that give me anxiety: 1) Everything. 2) People without anxiety. 3) Trump supporters at his rallies.

   How To Drink A Perfect Martini: 1) Pour gin, vermouth, and olives into....the trash where they belong. 2) Drink whiskey.

   I like my women, how I like my laptop, on my lap, turned on & virus free.

   I always text "I'm on my way", as I'm still naked in bed.

   If Republican candidates would stop calling them "Rallies" and start calling them "Job Fairs" they wouldn't have the problems like the liberals in Chicago started.... Just saying!

   Why is "Trump" and "Cruz" understood by some Americans, however those same Americans still don't know the difference between their, there, & they're.

   Donald Trump could be a huge step forward in race relations. He can be a voice for the orange people.

   If you are voting for Donald Trump for President in 2016, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it, you're an idiot.

   I think I got a textually transmitted disease from unprotected Facebook poking!

   I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it!!

   I watched the news reports on what was going on in Chicago!!!! I had no idea Trump won the playoffs!!!!

   Spider-Man : Can I be in the Avengers now? ... Captain America : Ummmm, sure... Spider-Man : What can I do?... Iron Man : You OK with Web-design?...

   Jiggling fat is a little more fun when you imagine a dubstep noise coming out of it.

   I like to refer to it as a "Magic Carpet Ride" when I sit on HIS bearded face and HE works that tongue like Harry Potter wielding a wand.

   Protestors successfully shut down a Trump rally...then they fire guns and start looting. That will only create more support for Trump you ignorant fool protestors.

   Keith Emerson is dead from an apparent suicide. I guess he wasn't such a Lucky Man after all.

   "At least Trump is entertaining." - people who entertain themselves by pulling the wings off of butterflies

   "I like Trump because I'm sick of political correctness" translates to "I wish I could say the n-word in public, not just among friends."