doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, the tables & chairs are bullies & the wall gets in the way.

   Rocky Mountain High? John Denver was able to foresee the future! Well, except for the whole running out of gas in an airplane thing.

   Ive waited in line an entire hour to vote, Ended up voting for some guy named Master Chief.

   I'll bet it would be excruciating to listen to Foghorn Leghorn sing a cover version of Jackson/McCartney's "Say Say Say."

   69% of people on FB are childish and immature

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ Cause this is Thriiiiiiilleeeeeeer

   New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups huh Bloomberg? BABOOM! *drops micc

   I think I ate to much, I dont mean right now. Just in general.

   Really Baileys? Non alcoholic coffee creamers? Is that to recover from the O'Doul's hangover?

   One day, I'll twirl a can in confidence. You'll see.

   Attn. Northern People: Yeah, you should stock up on flashlights, but Lite Brites spelling "Were All Gonna Die" is festive and functional.

   when people say that drinking is not the answer, it makes me wonder if they truly understand the question.

   It's normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The shaker, ice and Rumple combination is the most common

   Put my thing down, flipped it and reversed it. Now its inside out. Send help.

   I could stand to lose a few pounds, so I'm cutting out my oversized heart. It has done me no favors anyway.

   This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense

   When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch

   Sometimes you have to drop a baby to establish dominance.

   Oh, when I'm at work I wear my phone on my belt and I am a douche, When Batman does it, Its a bada55 utility belt... Double Standards.

   Alcohol does kill brain cells. As a kid I could name all the dinosaurs. Now I can name maybe three, and I'm not even sure armadillos count.