Marshall the great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Snookie should have named her son Oscar because he spent 9 months living in a garbage can.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and break down crying.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK scientists... Bacon flavored soda... and go
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world is our oyster (aphrodisiacs) which means the world makes us horny. and that is why it is perfectly natural that we should have sex right here, right now, and yet, in spite of the validity of my argument, this pickup line does not work.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underpants looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day, I had to listen to my friends complain about their problems for hours, on a phone, connected to a wall... knowing they would ignore my advice and make a bad decision no matter what the hell I said. Now I can just log off Facebook.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 10:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the bank, I told the cashier, "I'd like to open a joint account please." "OK with whom?" Whoever has lots of money.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 16:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That's it. Nice and slow." "Don't stop. Just keep going." "You've almost got it. A little slower." "Oh my God! Slow down! Slow down!" Brace yourself!" And that's about how it goes when I let her drive.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't born to kiss anyone's ass. If you want someone to obey and follow you, you should probably get a dog.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 15:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coming home drunk knocking things over and telling them to''shhhh!''
←Rate | 01-23-2013 20:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke...
←Rate | 01-23-2013 20:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Does this joke format make MY ASS look big?
←Rate | 01-23-2013 19:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't pay Facebook $2 to 'promote' your latest status. Simply send me half that amount, and I'll repeat it to all my friends in real life. For an extra 50c, I'll throw in a funny face when I say it.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 19:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 19:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My GF just walked straight past me in Walmart without seeing me! Maybe I should put a 50% off sticker on my chest..
←Rate | 01-23-2013 15:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon God promised man he could find beautiful women who were good honest wives in all corners of the world then he made the world round and laughed and laughed and laughed.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 15:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women just want to be loved and valued for who they really are on the inside, not just for their physical beauty... Claws and all.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 15:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Logic of an ex girlfriend: You where sh*t in bed anyway So why sleep with me for 3 years then?
←Rate | 01-23-2013 15:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 15:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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