GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Marriage tip: When your wife asks what's on TV, do not say dust.

   I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.

   Not to brag, but I was alive when you could SLAM the phone down to hang up on someone. It was spectacular!

   Around this time in 2020 we couldn't find toilet paper. Now we can't afford it.

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   My body knows how old I am, but my mind refuses to believe it.

   I hate it when I'm talking to myself and suddenly realize I wasn't listening... and then have to start all over again.

   Don't block all of your haters. Leave one or two so they can report back to headquarters.

   You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch really isn't that bad. It's kind of manly, makes us feel like we are out camping... with a really angry bear nearby.

   As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how the scarecrow could talk without a brain. Then I got social media.

   Everyone needs a friend who they shouldn't be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.

   Get my tires rotated? Uh, pretty sure they rotate while I'm driving but thanks.

   I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.

   The three stages of life: Wanting stuff... Accumulating stuff... Getting rid of stuff.

   Men marry a woman, hoping she's a nymphomaniac, and in a few years, the nympho leaves, but the maniac stays.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order on you.

   Please pray for my wife. Nothing is wrong with her. She's just married to me, and I am a lot.

   And yet again this morning No one was standing Next to my bed Saying Your Royal Highness here is your coffee.

   McDonald's is the only restaurant I know that repeats everything you said and still gives you the wrong order. 🙀

   Arguing with me is pointless, I knew I was wrong 10 minutes ago. I'm just trying to make you mad now.