Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1294 of 6383
some girls beg, and some girls borrow. some bring joy some bring sorrow. but the best girls suck and swallow
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03-19-2016 05:38
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I don't know about sexual healing, but trust me, sexual resurrection does NOT work....
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03-19-2016 05:25
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We were so poor that we had to stand out side of KFC and lick other peoples fingers.
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03-19-2016 05:02
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Trump will be President!....I'm just seeing if I'm right on my Facebook memory. Thanks
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03-19-2016 04:26
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If the Apple/FBI conflict proves anything, it's that the NSA really doesn't have all of your personal information like people claim...
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03-18-2016 23:30 by eengrms
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Plot twist: you can't play the guitar on the MTV, gotta work for money and chicks aren't free.
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03-18-2016 21:09 by Snotty
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Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
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03-18-2016 20:57 by Snotty
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My 3 year old can speak 60 words a minute... With gusts up to 90
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03-18-2016 20:50 by Snotty
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Plans for the weekend? Lie in bed and move just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
I'm always a lady, but when I am mad, I'm an evil sadistic demon witch from hell that'll make you wish you were never born....and when I am happy, I bake cookies and cupcakes.
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03-18-2016 16:39
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Springing forward sounds way more fun than it is.
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03-18-2016 14:48
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Kiss me I'm Irish, put a little tongue in it, I'm French too.
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03-18-2016 12:59
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There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because I pretty much just burnt down my whole house...
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03-18-2016 12:58 by SEAN
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I've never seen anyone vaping in a car that didn't have at least three dents in it.
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03-18-2016 12:56 by SEAN
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Life gave me onions. Onionade sucks.
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03-18-2016 07:25
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No babe, don't send me the nude pictures. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I'd like to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with...
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03-18-2016 06:18 by XX-FOXY
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Bikinis expose 90% of a woman's body, but men are so decent, polite and well-mannered that we only look at the remaining 10% that is covered..
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03-18-2016 06:17 by XX-FOXY
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Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. It did not have Bluetooth, you could not take selfies on it or send any text messages... Even worse! When it rang I'd pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I'm still alive!
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03-18-2016 06:13 by XX-FOXY
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One of my many talents is pretending to be very interesting in your plans when actually I am constantly thinking about my bed.
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03-18-2016 06:02
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My all time favorite coworker is the coffee machine.
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03-18-2016 06:00
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