Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Clinton says "How high do you have to build a wall to keep out the internet?" She's nuts comparing the internet to illegal immigrants. God help us.

   As an Easter present, wrap grapes in color foil and send a basket of them to the IRS.

   Easter Pro Tip: Wrap up grapes in color foil and give them away as chocolate eggs to your family and friends.

   Or you could just reword a meme we all saw.

   "Mannekin Pis on your bombs": an unlikely statue is now an icon of Belgian defiance.

   the Republican Presidential race sounds as substantial as Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   Then stop blaming all gun owners for the actions of one.

   I ate too much Taco Bell......and ended up Islaming in my pants.

   Thanks for the fecking blockbusters gift card granma.

   Don't forget to judge others on the circumstances they can't control today.

   According to my husband, it's not a tickle fight until half my ribs are broken and I've sharted myself.

   Hitler should have done the world a favour and wiped out the towel heads instead.

   Dear Rappers, please stop putting police sirens in your songs. Sincerely, All Paranoid Drivers.

   People say cherry blossoms are beautiful. I see death by allergies. Achooooo!!!

   The older you get, the more you appreciate being at home masterbating on a Tuesday night.

   Mosquitos everywhere keeping it real by wishing everyone a Happy First Week of Spring. Remember us?

   Why would you buy a case for your cracked cell phone, that's like buying a condom to put on your kids head?!?!

   I'm so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

   I was a young rebel as a toddler. I smoked candy cigarettes and took tic-tacs.

   Women are the only people who can go out to bar broke but come home drunk.