Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Why is it when opportunity knocks on your door, it knocks only once. But temptation... That b*tch leans on the damn door bell!

   I hate when I look horrible in a group picture and the person that looks good refuses to delete it.

   I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn't talk over the song.

   I have watched CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Lie To Me, Criminal Minds and Unusual Suspects. I can kill you 18 ways with a paperclip and not leave forensic evidence.

   Just got an email from MySpace asking, "Where Have You Been?" Well MySpace, it hasn't been 2006 in a while.

   I guess CVS is going green. Today's receipt for cough drops was only 27 inches long.

   I'm not sure about you, but when someone tells me I look familiar, I immediately start to panic.

   "I tolerate you better than I do anyone else" is the new "I love you."

   Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together. ;)

   Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'

   Why does every wireless provider say that they have the best, fastest, most covered 4G network? Someone's lying.

   When I really like a girl, I take her home to meet my parents so she understands why I can never get married.

   It's amazing how quickly I can convince myself that I didn't need to do today the things I needed to do today.

   If I ever mess anything up I am just gonna say, "It's not like I sung the national anthem wrong in front of the whole world or something."

   Ten bucks says Slash has no idea where he is.

   Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is that life is totally random.

   You think you know someone, but what you really know is only what they choose to show you.

   There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.

   I think, therefore we have nothing in common.

   When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.