Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon ... So ... I cheated on my diet for ONE day and gained fifty pounds .... WTF?
←Rate | 06-15-2016 22:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you feel like running around naked, please spray yourself with windex...it prevents streaking.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... Politicians ..... Proof that crime does pay! OK ... Throw in Lawyers too.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 22:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Therapy In 4 Words: Great bourbon, fluffy kittens.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 16:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Failed Summer Camp Slogans: Funeral Camp, You'll Dig It Here.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wreird AirBNB Listing: Stay for FREE in 3 room luxurous home. However if owners return unexpectedly please vacate immediately.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 16:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Perhaps Daniel Craig's Successor as James Bond should be a disabled woman.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 16:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Still surprised there isn't a 21st century version of the board game "Sorry" called "It's Somebody Else's Mistake".
←Rate | 06-15-2016 16:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump University's Most Popular Majors: 1) Lying. 2) Cheating. 3) Stealing.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Upside of Hell you won't have any trouble finding a lawyer or priest.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still not convinced that the lunchroom employees working on the Death Star deserved their fate.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Inspirational Quote: Be the change you want to see in your car's ashtray.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paul Ryan just listed his spine for sale on Craigslist.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Under further investigation, we discovered that crime does indeed pay.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sweet!!! I just found a Trump University degree inside a box of Cracker Jack.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me for a sonnet. Never knew she liked fancy hats.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Bon Jovi's farewell album isn't called Bon Voyage then what's the point?!?!
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Symptoms of a Gluten allergy are depression, trouble breathing, rash and irritability which tells me my ex must have been a soft pretzel.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dad Tip: Read fairytales backwards to your daughter. She'll think it's good to give up being a princess for a life of housecleaning.
←Rate | 06-15-2016 15:40 Comments (0)  




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