Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1272 of 6446

The bad news is: An Alligator swallowed your child. The good news is: We're gonna comp you Free Family passes to Disneyworld
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06-16-2016 07:55
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If people try to tell you money doesn't buy happiness - they're wrong. It does.
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06-16-2016 03:11
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Plans for St. Patrick's Day next year involve putting green dye into some corona's, sitting in my room alone, and watching Supernatural.
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06-16-2016 03:08
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T-Rexs can't scratch their stomachs, it's a major design flaw.
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06-16-2016 03:04
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It's offically summer when white girls start counting the days until pumpkin lattes return to Starbucks.
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06-16-2016 02:22
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Kanye West is disappointed to find "You're So Vain" wasn't about himself.
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06-16-2016 02:18
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Splenda if it's a girl, Stevia if it's a boy.
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06-16-2016 02:16
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Other kids grew up watching SpongeBob. I watched The West Wing.
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06-16-2016 02:15
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The worst part about being newly single is definitely finding a place to hide the body.
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06-16-2016 02:13
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Hillary Clinton promises to wear a Chewbecca mask in public to improve her polling numbers.
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06-16-2016 02:08
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You unfriended me on Facebook because I didn't wish you a Happy Birthday on FB? That's a little harsh Mom.
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06-16-2016 02:06
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Career, dreams, meaningful relationships. Pick any two.
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06-16-2016 02:01
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Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
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06-16-2016 01:57
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Lonely? Stand at the bottom of an escalator and high five the people coming off. If they refuse, yell, "Are you too lazy for that too?'
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06-16-2016 01:50
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Possible names for Vegas new NHL team: Aces, Chips, Spades, Cards, High Rollers, Lights, Gamblers, Tourists, Sinners, and Dead Prostitutes.
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06-16-2016 01:46
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I just put on a fitted sheet on my bed and didn't mess up. I'm entitled to a trophy
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06-16-2016 01:46
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My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.
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06-16-2016 01:42
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Night clubs during the day is now one of my anxiety triggers....
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06-16-2016 01:41
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Am I the only one who thinks it's crazy Angry Birds got a movie before Zelda or Halo?
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06-16-2016 01:40
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45 years ago today men walked on the moon. Meanwhile, I just ate a donut out of the trash.
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06-16-2016 01:39
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