Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1272 of 6446

If people try to tell you money doesn't buy happiness - they're wrong. It does.
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06-16-2016 03:11
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Plans for St. Patrick's Day next year involve putting green dye into some corona's, sitting in my room alone, and watching Supernatural.
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06-16-2016 03:08
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T-Rexs can't scratch their stomachs, it's a major design flaw.
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06-16-2016 03:04
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It's offically summer when white girls start counting the days until pumpkin lattes return to Starbucks.
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06-16-2016 02:22
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Kanye West is disappointed to find "You're So Vain" wasn't about himself.
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06-16-2016 02:18
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Splenda if it's a girl, Stevia if it's a boy.
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06-16-2016 02:16
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Other kids grew up watching SpongeBob. I watched The West Wing.
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06-16-2016 02:15
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The worst part about being newly single is definitely finding a place to hide the body.
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06-16-2016 02:13
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Hillary Clinton promises to wear a Chewbecca mask in public to improve her polling numbers.
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06-16-2016 02:08
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You unfriended me on Facebook because I didn't wish you a Happy Birthday on FB? That's a little harsh Mom.
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06-16-2016 02:06
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Career, dreams, meaningful relationships. Pick any two.
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06-16-2016 02:01
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Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
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06-16-2016 01:57
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Lonely? Stand at the bottom of an escalator and high five the people coming off. If they refuse, yell, "Are you too lazy for that too?'
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06-16-2016 01:50
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Possible names for Vegas new NHL team: Aces, Chips, Spades, Cards, High Rollers, Lights, Gamblers, Tourists, Sinners, and Dead Prostitutes.
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06-16-2016 01:46
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I just put on a fitted sheet on my bed and didn't mess up. I'm entitled to a trophy
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06-16-2016 01:46
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My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.
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06-16-2016 01:42
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Night clubs during the day is now one of my anxiety triggers....
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06-16-2016 01:41
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Am I the only one who thinks it's crazy Angry Birds got a movie before Zelda or Halo?
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06-16-2016 01:40
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45 years ago today men walked on the moon. Meanwhile, I just ate a donut out of the trash.
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06-16-2016 01:39
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"Braindead" is a new show on CBS about Aliens who invade the U.S. Capitol then seek to eat the minds of our leaders in order to inhabit their bodies. Those poor Aliens. They're going to starve if they're trying to find brains in Washington DC.
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06-15-2016 23:27 by Jiffy Pop
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