Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My minds wanders a lot. Fortunately, it's too weak to go very far.

   In Game of Thrones, how Cersei felt during the walk of shame is how I feel using a CoinStar in front of everyone in the grocery store.

   Strange Jeopardy Categories: Does this look infected to you?

   I love when I can see a grown adult be happier than a kid in a candy store and the candy is shaped like toys!!!

   Taylor Swift reportedly has already dated, broken up with and written a crappy song about Tom Hiddleston.

   Harley Davidson should make motorcycles specifically designed for environmentally conscious owners experiencing midlife crisis.

   How about a carpet with permanent vacuum lines so it always looks clean?

   In Game of Thrones, how Cersei felt during the walk of shame is how I feel using a CoinStar in from of everyone in the grocery store.

   A George Harrison memorial tree was killed by actual beetles. No word yet on if Davy Jones memorial was attacked by monkeys.

   Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don't know who to root for.

   ...... Yes sir, your background check came back just fine .... But I gotta see you eat some Bacon first or it's a no sale.

   Here's a bright idea ..... How about coming up with some Comprehensive Common Sense Terrorist Control instead of the same old talking points?

   OK. Who was the genius that decided to call them Killer Whales and not Sea Pandas?

   It was probably an Islamic alligator.

   A gorilla is killed in a zoo, Facebook blows up! A 2 year old gets killed by an alligator, I've seen one post in two days...Yup, that's the society we live in!

   If Hillary is elected president I am moving to Canada. . .

   If the POS dont represent islam, then the POS doesnt represent gun owners either dumba$$

   If you "have to meet with the NRA to discuss whether people on the terrorist watch list should be able to buy guns", then that's a case of the tail wagging the dog and you are showing you are owned by the gun lobby.

   I heard Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

   The bad news is: An Alligator swallowed your child. The good news is: We're gonna comp you Free Family passes to Disneyworld