Funny Status Messages

   Yahoo's search engine is just two drunk guys leaning out a third-floor window accousting passerby with your questions.

   If you think she posts a lot of photos of her pregnancy wait until that kid arrives.

   "Trump University is my first choice and University of Phoenix is my safety school." --A scholastically challenged person in 2007

   Mrs Browns Lovely daughter must have a lovely daughter of her own by now shouldn't she ?

   The number 867-5309 has been disconnected .

   Am I the only person who thinks that Walmart is missing out on a major opportunity by not having a Golden Corral at all of their stores?

   When asked my weight, I give what it is on the Moon.

   Consider this Diem Carped.....

   According to The Prophecy, today is my Hot Mess day.

   just found out that Major Lazer is a group not an individual. for how long were you guys planning on keeping this a secret? how long?

   I now hold it in my hands. Finally. The expressed written consent of the National Football League.

   I saw a science show on how we're merely energy sources who come back as other energies in subsequent lives. I can see it now, I'll be a 9 volt battery in a transistor radio from the 60's tuned to an Elvis only station.

   For some people freedom is like spring animals seeing the light.

   God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.

   Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.

   My favorite Greek philosopher was Tentacles. His work just grabs me, ya know?

   In Greek mythology, the half-man half-horse creature would gallop around and shout obscenities so that he could be the centaur of attention.

   My phone has better health insurance than I do.

   I don’t wish there were more hours in the day, but I could use a few more at night.

   Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".