Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’m going to change my name to Benny Fitz…so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quote of the year: If you think life is unfair, you’re not gonna be too thrilled about death.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ear hair is God’s way of telling you it’s time to buy a sports car.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t mind running into debt. It’s running into my creditors that’s embarrassing.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make Jack Daniels chap stick.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses around.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not now. I'm busy on ebay. Making the most of my 'me' time.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 06:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The 'man bun'.....A hair raising trend.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 06:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interesting idea, Ice Cube should change his name to Soft Drink.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Frito Lay should roll out a new cinnamon sugar version of Cheetos called Sweetos, they will also help you acquire Diabetos.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're feeding pigeons, you're really feeding doves from Hell.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I had sex was when Tom Selleck was in a good movie.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rich People's Problems: Not remembering the names of the maid's 9 children.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From what I've read, Jesus never had a problem with gay people. He also never wore pants.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worst Wedding Processional Song: Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats"
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a time and place for hipster beards. That time is the Civil War and that place is a stockade in a Confederate camp.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't think I should wear my heart on my sleeve anymore....because that's usually where I sneeze and wipe my nose.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 03:10 Comments (0)  




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