Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Should you tell your neighbor that leaving their six porch lights on all day makes their Prius rather redundant?

   Scotland's in the middle of a couple's breakup and trying to figure out who they're still supposed to be friends with.

   Bad News: Britain votes to leave Europe. Worst News: Mississippi says they're staying in America.

   Thanks to Brexit, British prostitutes are now a great deal pound for pound.

   You can sponsor a child in need for the cost of a cup of coffee. I wanna help, but they really shouldn't be giving coffee to kids.

   Donald Trump "has accepted a relationship with Christ". No word yet on if he plans on leaving him for a younger, prettier messiah.

   Teen Slang Update: "Bye, Felicia" has been abbreviated to "Peace, Feleesh".

   The United Kingdom just asked Donald Trump's father for a small loan.

   I wish getting rich was just as easy as getting fat.

   ..... Unfortunately in the real world an organization urging to SAVE Humanity ....... Sadly .... is almost always a front for a politically motivated group seeking to rule it.

   I finally found my girlfriends G spot.. Turns out her sister had it .

   let's be honest .... nothing is as good as 90's nostalgia, Rocko's Modern Life over Sanjay and Craig any day.

   The garbage man is late. I think he's been cheating on me with some other piece of trash.

   Eric Cartman was Donald Trump before Donald Trump became Donald Trump.

   I don't trust the sun. Why can't we look directly at it? What is it hiding?

   I don't trust stairs. They always look like they're up to something.

   If you don't see Snowden as a hero please unfriend me,. Save me the trouble of finding out later that your just effin sheep of the media.

   Lest we not forget that Nicola Cage won an Academy award for best actor in a leading role for his role in the film Leaving Las Vegas in 1995.

   Screw the government, let's all smoke weed this weekend

   Grandma told me good girls always eat a banana with a knife and folk