Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1257 of 6447

Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
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06-27-2016 19:32 by Snotty
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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest
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06-27-2016 11:15 by Miguel
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Ever been so juiced you started speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne?
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06-27-2016 09:53
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All aboard the disoriented express.....
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06-27-2016 09:46
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...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......
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06-27-2016 00:26
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Wookies to the left of me, Ewoks to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle of Endor with you...
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06-26-2016 23:34
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If MTV landed on the moon again, would people even care?
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06-26-2016 23:28
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Miss those 90's thrillers when the bomb clock was still analog and only had three wires.
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06-26-2016 23:23
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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
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06-26-2016 23:18
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Before mowing the lawn I always spend an hour pricing goats on the internet.
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06-26-2016 23:12
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Nothing says "I'm way more confident than I should be" quite like men over 35 wearing Hollister tees and seashell necklaces.
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06-26-2016 23:09
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My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie.
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06-26-2016 23:06
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Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.
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06-26-2016 23:04
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Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
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06-26-2016 23:02
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Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.
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06-26-2016 23:02
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Find an angry person at the bookstore. You can't.
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06-26-2016 22:52
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Finally took my first selfie, and I think I heard Siri throw up a little in her mouth.
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06-26-2016 22:48
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If the White House really wants to close Guantanamo Bay, why not just appoint Donald Trump its new CEO?
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06-26-2016 22:44
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Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
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06-26-2016 22:42
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I'm not sure if there's anything sadder than watching someone eat Sonic in their car by themselves.
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06-26-2016 22:39
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