Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1257 of 6447

   messageicon Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
←Rate | 06-27-2016 19:32 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest
←Rate | 06-27-2016 11:15 by Miguel Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever been so juiced you started speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne?
←Rate | 06-27-2016 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All aboard the disoriented express.....
←Rate | 06-27-2016 09:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......
←Rate | 06-27-2016 00:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wookies to the left of me, Ewoks to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle of Endor with you...
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If MTV landed on the moon again, would people even care?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Miss those 90's thrillers when the bomb clock was still analog and only had three wires.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before mowing the lawn I always spend an hour pricing goats on the internet.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I'm way more confident than I should be" quite like men over 35 wearing Hollister tees and seashell necklaces.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Find an angry person at the bookstore. You can't.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally took my first selfie, and I think I heard Siri throw up a little in her mouth.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the White House really wants to close Guantanamo Bay, why not just appoint Donald Trump its new CEO?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sure if there's anything sadder than watching someone eat Sonic in their car by themselves.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:39 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left