Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1255 of 6447

This is what happens when you let the generation that invented words like BAE, YOLO and FLEEK vote.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 23:05
Comments (2)

I would like to officially nominate Cersei Lannister to be the one to finally separate Church and State .... Once and For All!!!
←Rate |
06-29-2016 20:53
Comments (0)

.... Looks like the United States is finally going to get it's chance to become a Marxist Socialist State thanx to the Liberals that run the country. I for one would like to welcome our new task masters ... Guess freedom really wasn't free ...
←Rate |
06-29-2016 18:19
Comments (0)

I wish I'd say "Yes" to an aisle seat. Now I'm at the window, drunk and in charge of the emergency door. In case of emergency, climb over me.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:29
Comments (0)

Congress' 2016 To-Do List: 1) Talk about Benghazi. 2) Write reports on Benghazi. 3) Talk more about Benghazi. 4) Take vacation. 5) Repeat.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:27
Comments (1)

Love going on brewery tours. It's fun watching drunk people pretend to understand science.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:21
Comments (0)

S&P lowers Britain from AAA to AA. Unless Britain is a disposable battery, this is bad news.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:19
Comments (0)

Visit Britain because it's more fun to end your sentences with "innit?" than "y'know?"
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:17
Comments (0)

I'm going to start an online store where people can buy bait for when they go fishing for compliments on Facebook.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:14
Comments (0)

The way things are going, the only corporate sponsor of the Republican convention will be Trump Steaks.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:12
Comments (0)

.... Hey nosy people .... Please leave me alone and worry about your own freakin sins .... cuz when the time comes .... you sure as hell won't be asked about mine!!!
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:11
Comments (0)

Enjoy sitting on my left hand until it goes numb to pretend that someone else is seductively stirring my morning coffee.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:10
Comments (0)

Little shampoos. Sure they make you feel like a giant but you're not, you're not a giant. Also they make bad travel souvenirs too.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:08
Comments (0)

I wouldn't descibe myself as ego-centric. I prefer ego-Kentric.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:04
Comments (0)

A recently unemployed friend signed up for Cobra and all they gave him was health insurance, not a snake?!?!
←Rate |
06-29-2016 15:02
Comments (0)

Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to hold a referendum with the same people who came up with "Boaty McBoatface."
←Rate |
06-29-2016 14:50
Comments (0)

America and Britain are having a competition on who can f*ck themselves up the most. Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 14:43
Comments (0)

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral of the story: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 14:13
Comments (0)

So apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them..
←Rate |
06-29-2016 13:56
Comments (0)

During the summer months I always Wear my bathing suit as underwear in case a random pool party breaks out.
←Rate |
06-29-2016 09:28
Comments (0)