Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A balloon gives my kids a solid hour of entertainment: 3 minutes of fighting over who gets the balloon, 57 minutes of crying after it pops.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that Millennials are getting older, it's only a matter of time before we have memojis.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon TSA moving operations to outside of airport. That must explain the full cavity search I received in my airport hotel room.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nancy Grace decided to leave CNN to spend more time annoying the crap out of her family.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can I get Zika from watching the Rio Olympics on TV?
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to find apostrophes a bit possessive.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 00:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nancy Grace is leaving CNN to spend more time exploiting abused minors in the private sector.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 00:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who go on to open a second Facebook account because you've reached your maximum number of friends, get a life!
←Rate | 06-30-2016 22:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you think Golden Corral is fine steakhouse dining, you just might be a redneck."
←Rate | 06-30-2016 20:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hmmm ...Tuesday Bill Clinton has secret meeting on private jet with Attorney General Loretta Lynch, On Thursday The Attorney General has ALL Clinton Foundation emails sealed until 2018. Coincidence? or is it time to wake up to the corrupting of America!!
←Rate | 06-30-2016 20:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton has been on more private jets than Donald Trump ..... and hasn't paid for a single one of them ...
←Rate | 06-30-2016 19:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You shoot down a Russian plane at your own peril Turkey. 1 Russian Pilot = 42 Dead Turks.
←Rate | 06-30-2016 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The three men who carried out Tuesday’s deadly attack on Istanbul’s Ataturk airport were all from parts of the former USSR, Turkish sources say.
←Rate | 06-30-2016 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... DAMMIT ..... Stop the WORLD .... I wanna GET OFF!!!
←Rate | 06-30-2016 11:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet most people supporting Hillary Clinton can't even SPELL "Marxist/Socialist" let alone even know what it means ... and why it is bad for America.
←Rate | 06-30-2016 11:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's safe to assume that anyone who has a wedding band tattooed on their finger was not a statistics major.
←Rate | 06-30-2016 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
←Rate | 06-30-2016 02:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just sliced my tongue open by eating ham with a knife because I was too lazy to grab a fork.
←Rate | 06-30-2016 02:32 Comments (0)  




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