Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1244 of 6446

Lebron went home, Wade went home..what y'all Cubans waiting on?
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07-07-2016 18:40
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When blakcs stop shooting each other by the thousands, I'll start worrying about the cops shooting two.
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07-07-2016 18:40
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Sometimes I'm happy, then mad, then hungry and then chatty. So yes, I get it women. Great, now I'm crying.
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07-07-2016 18:28
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Hey Trump: As a guy who owns a bunch of casinos, maybe you're not the right person to tell us how certain things are "rigged."
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07-07-2016 15:57
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People should be indicted for putting raisins and walnuts in coleslaw.
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07-07-2016 15:52
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Sorry Jupiter, unless Matt Damon gets stranded on you, nobody actually cares about your planet.
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07-07-2016 15:51
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So we wear the hazmat suit while watching the Rio Olympics correct?!?!
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07-07-2016 15:49
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Apple pushing organ donor registration for iPhone users. How?!?! Siri asks over and over, "You know you only really need ONE kidney."
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07-07-2016 15:45
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The Kardashians have screwed more celebrities than a camera with no filter.
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07-07-2016 15:42
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Imagine arriving in Heaven and finding out guacamole is still extra.
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07-07-2016 15:38
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"On a scale of 9 to 10, how delicious are Trump's steaks?" -The one and only question asked to potential VP candidates by Trump's vetting team.
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07-07-2016 15:36
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Roger Ailes' Response to Gretchen Carlson's Allegations: "Dat ass doe!"
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07-07-2016 15:34
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Summer Checklist: Pay extra for coffee with ice in it.
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07-07-2016 15:32
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Let me sum up the next few months: 1) Trump says and/or does something stupid. 2) Taylor Swift breaks up. 3) Enjoy your summer!
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07-07-2016 15:31
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Got fired from my job because apparently having your secretary bring you a martini while using the bathroom is frowned upon.
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07-07-2016 15:29
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Wonder why the lawyer I hired to defend me during my public lewdness trial didn't invoke the "extemely careless" defense.
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07-07-2016 15:27
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Just ate some oatmeal and cantaloupe for breakfast incase anyone needs a walking buddy at the mall this afternoon.
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07-07-2016 15:25
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Could you imagine if Hillary Clinton mentioned Benghazi in her deleted emails? Republicans heads would explode!!!
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07-07-2016 15:21
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i hear "this generation never puts down their phones" a lot and i'm pretty sure it's because most of them are filming a cop shoot somebody
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07-07-2016 15:17
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Do you ever feel like you're in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
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07-07-2016 15:16
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