Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1237 of 6383
Examination room walls have seen and heard more sincere prayers than any temple.
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05-17-2016 09:20
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Turns out I'm not a Jedi after all.....Bummer
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05-17-2016 08:13
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Getting stuff out of my wardrobe is like playing Jenga.
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05-17-2016 00:45
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No thanks women who lift weights, only one of us must look like a man in this relationship
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05-16-2016 23:55
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I would just like to take a minute to give a big shout-out to the inventor of croutons. Who knew you could take stale bread and makes so many different flavors. Props to you. :p Recycling before recycling was cool!
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05-16-2016 23:40
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No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.
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05-16-2016 14:50
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Nothing has held me back in life more than not knowing which U.S. National Park I am. If only there was a way to find out.
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05-16-2016 13:38
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Have nothing against people from other countries. But one thing is for sure. they do not know how to drive in the U.S. no turn signal, no turn on red, ect...
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05-16-2016 07:20
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...... People at these rest area restrooms are creepy ... the guy in stall next to me makes wierd noises and has four feet
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05-15-2016 20:13
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.... I was excited to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel .... till it turned out to be a train coming the other way
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05-15-2016 18:45
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I met an Indian guy today.. he does NOT work in IT.. mind blown.
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05-15-2016 18:10
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Every time I have to dress up in this killing heat I contemplate becoming a nudist. Then I remember what I look like naked and start putting on my clothes….
The fact that there is a "Highway to Hell" and only a "Stairway to Heaven" says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers...
When someone hands me a Bible, I flip it open and autograph it. Then I hand it back (as they look very confused), I smile and say.. "It's always nice to meet a fan!"
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05-15-2016 07:47 by Mike M
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At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they're empty.
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05-15-2016 06:28
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Donald Trump willing to appear on national TV with that hair must possess extraordinary courage.
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05-15-2016 05:38
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Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
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05-15-2016 05:28
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Who named the walkie talkie and why isn’t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
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05-15-2016 05:26
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If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons and banner on your mailbox.
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05-15-2016 05:25
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The older I get the more I understand Squidward’s anger.
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05-15-2016 05:23
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