Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1223 of 6372
How many more of these body wraps do I have to eat before I start losing inches?
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05-20-2016 18:50 by huck
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FACT: I've been rescheduling the same dentist appointment since 2009
Morley Safer contributes exponentially more to societal advancement, and gets only a few mentions in the press. Prince, who basically was a fruitcake who could play a guitar solo, is still getting press.
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05-20-2016 13:37
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If I know 1 thing about the speed of light, it gets here to early in the morning.
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05-20-2016 11:24
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Call me a skeptic but I doubt people LOL as much as they claim.
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05-20-2016 08:07
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My son asked me what's "Chillaxing"? "That's what Eskimos do.... they set around their igloo's taking laxatives for fun" I explained.
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05-20-2016 07:55 by What,What
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What starts with P & ends with orn? Popcorn What starts with F & ends with uck? Firetruck. What starts with G & ends with ay? Justin Bieber
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05-20-2016 02:48
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High school makes you realize that you only need one best friend and like three close friends, because you realize how fake everyone is.
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05-20-2016 02:46
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Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.
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05-20-2016 02:44
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I'd like to be so rich that my dog has a dog!
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05-20-2016 02:40
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How do you get your name put in lights all over the world? Change it to Emergency Exit.
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05-20-2016 02:39
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"Chillax" ironicly the most irritating word known to man.
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05-20-2016 02:38
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If 9/11 taught us anything, it's that Superman's a lazy ass.
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05-20-2016 02:36
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With a gentle stroke he wipes her tears away, and accidentally her eyebrows
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05-19-2016 23:30
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i can't believe it, Morley Safer tribute was on last week and not 60 minutes later he's gone
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05-19-2016 15:07 by smeebert
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If there isn't a huge mess to clean up after cooking or sex, you're doing it wrong...
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05-19-2016 14:41
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I wish I was British so I could say cool stuff like "brilliant" and "crikey" and "I don't have worry about Trump leading my country"
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05-19-2016 13:57
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In our local supermarket, they always have 6 checkouts open. Except when it's really busy then they have 2...
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05-19-2016 12:35
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I hate when I'm on a first date and she goes, "I just know we'll be together forever." Then uses Crazy Glue instead of lube.
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05-19-2016 09:39 by Fazzella
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I don’t know why people will get embarrassed when they take a magazine to the toilet, you should see the looks I get when I take my plunger.
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05-19-2016 09:12
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