Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Love many, trust few, and learn to paddle your own canoe.

   I just sneezed so hard I think I opened a time portal.

   If weed was ever legalized, I can't wait to see the commercials...

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.

   Of course money buys happiness! You ever seen a homeless person skip?

   MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: A passenger side drive-thru window for their complicated orders.

   The only thing worse than the truth are the lies that are told to cover it up.

   Life doesn't come with instructions, so why live as if it also comes with rules?

   I have no idea how I got 80% of my stuff.

   The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.

   The world is gonna throw us a million reasons why this won't work out between us, but I'm armed with the one reason why it will.

   You know that chemical that gets released in our bodies after sex that makes us think we like someone, hey science can you get rid of that?

   Today I caught myself smiling... I was thinking of you... Don't flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

   I couldn't stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.

   It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   My April Fools' Day prank at airport security did not go well. You may not see me Monday.

   I want to be there when Google takes the street view picture of my address. The possibilities are endless.

   There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom.

   Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.