Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1218 of 6452

It's Facebook, not Time Magazine. We don't need to see your entire life in pictures.
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07-26-2016 02:31
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I'm not difficult but my Wi-Fi password has more characters than an Avengers movie.
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07-26-2016 02:29
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I've watched all of Mr. Robot season one and I gotta say this is the absolute worst adaptation of a Styx song.
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07-26-2016 02:26
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It's not difficult but I'd prefer it if you washed your hands again before shaking mine.
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07-26-2016 02:25
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Hula Hoops were once banned in Japan for causing "obscene movements".
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07-25-2016 22:15
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There's no masculine way to eat a lollipop.
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07-25-2016 22:15
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BREAKING NEWS: Medical researchers have found that 100 percent of lab rats exposed to oxygen have eventually died.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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Love hot yoga because it's over 100 degrees with someone yelling at you. It's like growing up Italian in Florida.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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I now consider sitting in a quiet car as a good night out.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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A grown man was wearing a Minions shirt that said "I'm here to annoy you." Mission accomplished.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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Pro Tip: Hula Hoops were once banned in Japan for causing "obscene movements".
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07-25-2016 22:11
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Dying by a 'terrible accident' is the nicest way of saying 'sneezed while doing blow off a switchblade, in the back of a van'.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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Let my Tinder dates know I'm a bad boy by showing them the comments teachers left on my school reports.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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If you eat a dozen donuts quickly enough you can feel your soul hug you.
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07-25-2016 22:11
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Kids today are socially awkward because of their phones. I don't need a phone for that...I have all organic, farm fresh, free range anxiety.
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07-25-2016 22:10
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My Dad: People overcome adversity all the time son... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?
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07-25-2016 22:09 by Snotty
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*points to wrist* this is my Fitbit. *points to rest of body* this is my fatbit.
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07-25-2016 22:09 by Snotty
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I got a Go Fund Me Account so I can afford Avocado on all my sandwiches
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07-25-2016 20:01 by Snotty
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Hey, law enforcement. Arrest and question every black guy with dreads. I have a hunch.
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07-25-2016 16:50
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.
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07-25-2016 16:10 by Fazzella
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