Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Whenever my parents talk about "the good old days", they always seem to stop at 1990. Which is pretty cool, because that's also the year I was born... wait... what?
←Rate | 07-20-2016 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the irony of people stealing each other's "Melania Trump plagiarism" jokes on Facebook is not overlooked.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 04:21 by Shinsky Da Don Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Melania's Speech was 100% real... Trust Me I was THERE!" - Brian Williams
←Rate | 07-20-2016 04:17 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We do not consider Melania's speech to be plagarism....As there was no intent to plagarism" - FBI Director Comey
←Rate | 07-20-2016 04:15 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Yesterday was A slight fumble, but I think Melania's really gonna shine in the swimsuit portion of the competition...
←Rate | 07-20-2016 02:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Filter pics should come with a Disclaimer" Some objects may appear more beautiful than they realy are"
←Rate | 07-20-2016 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You put a couch on your back porch you're considered trashy but put a grill next to it and tent over it and you're rich.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Iced coffee, for when you need to chug your coffee but don't want to lose five layers of skin on the roof of your mouth.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are over 21. Sorry to ruin the franchise for you.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started reading more because for like 6 years I thought Sharia Law was a Street Fighter character.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun thing to do when your co-workers go to Chipotle for lunch is to put up “Out of Order” signs on all the bathrooms.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to recent events, I'm deducting a full three stars from my Yelp review of Earth.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A date so bad instead of just saying goodnight you both write Victim Impact Statements.
←Rate | 07-20-2016 00:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump would've had more speakers at the convention but they're were roster issues. Translation: Trump ran out of family members.
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe they're going to remake Little Women with an all-female cast.
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: Chris Christie spotted working valet at the RNC.
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I learned all I need to know about race relations from watching C.Thomas Howell's heart felt film Soul Man six times.
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man at the airport bar is now criticizing "the lamestream media" for "liberal" reporting and "spelling 'speech' without the A".
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Part of Scott Baio's speech was plagiarized from the episode of Charles In Charge where Nicole Eggert ran for class president.
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people talk about "slutty" clothing. First of all that's sexist, and second it should be called "sexually activewear."
←Rate | 07-19-2016 23:45 Comments (0)  




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