Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm known all over the world for my exaggerations.

   The local car wash had a special "Brazilian Wax", now my car's carpet is gone....

   "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille

   i know I'm fat cause every time I pass a buffet my phone joins its wifi network

   Grand Thaft Auto Go, New mission steal that car and kill everyone. Available Soon

   United we stand divided we fall

   The Un-United States of America.....

   Trump is cool because he doesn't play by the rules, and says what he wants. Cruz is shunned because he didn't play by the rules, and he said what he wants?

   Isn't it curious how almost all of the Networks slammed the evil Republican Convention all this week. Prediction: They will almost all have an ecstatic and excited thrill running up and down their collective legs during the Democrat convention.

   I think an eye doctor should run for president in 2020 with the slogan "a perfect vision"

   .... If the wrong toy is inside of it .... Is it still called a Happy Meal?

   I wore a bow tie today and got pinched by three guys on my way to work. I guess what they say about bow ties are true.

   Can we stop calling it medical marijuana and go back to just calling it marijuana yet?

   are most of these anti trump people on welfare?

   The less you know, the more you think you do.

   DAMMIT ... Please stop texting me when I'm texting you ..... Now I have to change my text!!

   Remember, YOU are unique ... just like everyone else.

   The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn't work if it isn't open.

   Welfare is intended to help the needy not to become a carreer

   Was absolutely shocked to hear that Hillary supporters Hated Donald Trump's speech at the RNC last night!! I'm sure the next big shock will come when I hear that Trump Supporters hated Hillary Clinton's speech at the DNC.