Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1211 of 6383
Upside of Hell you won't have any trouble finding a lawyer or priest.
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06-15-2016 15:57
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I'm still not convinced that the lunchroom employees working on the Death Star deserved their fate.
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06-15-2016 15:55
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Inspirational Quote: Be the change you want to see in your car's ashtray.
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06-15-2016 15:51
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Paul Ryan just listed his spine for sale on Craigslist.
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06-15-2016 15:50
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Under further investigation, we discovered that crime does indeed pay.
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06-15-2016 15:49
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Sweet!!! I just found a Trump University degree inside a box of Cracker Jack.
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06-15-2016 15:47
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My wife asked me for a sonnet. Never knew she liked fancy hats.
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06-15-2016 15:45
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If Bon Jovi's farewell album isn't called Bon Voyage then what's the point?!?!
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06-15-2016 15:43
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Symptoms of a Gluten allergy are depression, trouble breathing, rash and irritability which tells me my ex must have been a soft pretzel.
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06-15-2016 15:41
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Dad Tip: Read fairytales backwards to your daughter. She'll think it's good to give up being a princess for a life of housecleaning.
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06-15-2016 15:40
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I knew the honeymoon was over when she texted from the bathroom to bring her toilet paper.
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06-15-2016 15:38
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Newt Gingrich is calling for a new House Committee on Un-American Activities. I thought that was just called Congress.
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06-15-2016 15:37
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Wolverine doesn't apologize nearly enough for a dude from Canada.
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06-15-2016 15:35
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The Lord works in mysterious ways...like when he sent that alligator to drag the toddler off, right in front of his horrified parents. It's all part of His wonderful, divine plan! How mysterious.... Amen!
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06-15-2016 13:42
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After several years of sessions, my psychiatrist has determined that the true source of my crippling insecurities and desperate need for attention is the fact that the host of Romper Room never once said my name when she peered through the Magic Mirror.
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06-15-2016 13:02
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Okay so plus size is in. That lets me out. I'm calculus size.
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06-15-2016 12:40 by Fazzella
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Sorry, I can't. It's Toyota's Summer Sale-A-Thon.
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06-15-2016 11:22
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Scooby Doo taught me that the only real monsters are humans.
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06-15-2016 09:37
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Cant, made plans to have insomnia again tonight.
Dont get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.