Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Haven't had ice cream or alcohol in two weeks. I'm not sure which is more impressive but I did used to make alcoholic milkshakes.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I can see Wikileaks from my house." -Sarah Palin
←Rate | 07-26-2016 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon More tragic news out of the music industry. Dr Dre, while being detained by police, was being respectful without a weapon and was not shot and killed.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 13:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DNC motto " The tacos and africans are just dumb enough to vote for us"
←Rate | 07-26-2016 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DNC motto "Let's Make America Not So Great Again"
←Rate | 07-26-2016 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hmmm, last night it sounded like them Democrats wanted to screw up everything......
←Rate | 07-26-2016 12:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it ironic that blacks wont be safe until... you lock up all the blacks....
←Rate | 07-26-2016 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rap battles in Canada consist of two people trying to outdo each other with compliments.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm more like a party canceling planner.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Verizon buys Yahoo's "core business" for $4.8 billion. Yahoo's "core business" is of course, "email accounts last used 5 years ago."
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's Facebook, not Time Magazine. We don't need to see your entire life in pictures.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not difficult but my Wi-Fi password has more characters than an Avengers movie.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've watched all of Mr. Robot season one and I gotta say this is the absolute worst adaptation of a Styx song.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not difficult but I'd prefer it if you washed your hands again before shaking mine.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hula Hoops were once banned in Japan for causing "obscene movements".
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no masculine way to eat a lollipop.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Medical researchers have found that 100 percent of lab rats exposed to oxygen have eventually died.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love hot yoga because it's over 100 degrees with someone yelling at you. It's like growing up Italian in Florida.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I now consider sitting in a quiet car as a good night out.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A grown man was wearing a Minions shirt that said "I'm here to annoy you." Mission accomplished.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  




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