Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Couples who smoke cigs together is like so Romeo & Juliet.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A recent study shows that alcohol is a direct cause of 7 forms of cancer. And after hearing this bad news, I could really use a drink or two.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They don't warn of how powerful and invincible you feel wearing a rain poncho.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gang Initiation: Eat tortilla chips when you have a cut on the roof of your mouth.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As an adult male, I should have taken women's multivitamins as a boy to mature faster.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a woman pushing her dressed up cat in a stroller. When are we going to take mental health seriously in this country?
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gum without the commitment: Mentos.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think I'm a good guy but I used to have a Jar Jar Binks poster.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brazil tie with South Africa 0-0 in soccer at Rio Olympics. Not to worry, though: EVERYONE goes home with a free Zika virus.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies you know what tonight is...Olympics and Chill?
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man who punched George Zimmerman in the face charged with being awesome.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's OK Adobe Flash, I'm always outdated too.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I'm OCD.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... The Iranians say it was Ransom, One of the Hostages says it was Ransom,... But the guy that went on TV 57 times and said "You can keep your Doctor" .... Says it was a coincidence.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump or Clinton is about as appealing as a Doctor saying "Ointment or suppository?" to me.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 15:10 by @FunBobby1191 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Rachel Maddow has a bigger Adam's Apple then I do. I'm just saying!
←Rate | 08-05-2016 14:38 Comments (1)  


   messageicon This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 14:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The mosquito subletting my apartment seems to find me delicious.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 14:07 by Stacy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love the summer because I love how my ass and thighs form an irreparable bond with the car's scorching hot leather seat
←Rate | 08-05-2016 14:05 by stacy Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2016 Olympics Events: Opening ceremonies-100m Brazilian Wax Free-Style-Zika Pole Vault-Let's Be Difficult And Speak Portuguese While Most other S American Countries Speak Spanish Decathlon-100m Butterfly and Mosquito Swim For Gold.
←Rate | 08-05-2016 13:45 Comments (0)  




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