Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1200 of 6446

Driver's Ed doesn't prepare you for the heartache of never finding out if the fry you dropped between the seats was the best one in the box.
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08-03-2016 05:14
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Pretty sure the guy who drives the train at the children's park spends much of his day wondering what went wrong.
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08-03-2016 05:12
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At this very moment, somewhere in America, a black Prius is slowing someone down in the fast lane.
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08-03-2016 05:11
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Miss the 1980's, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before Mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.
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08-03-2016 05:10
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August is National Catfish Month. Some of you should celebrate.
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08-03-2016 05:08
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Getting hyped for the weekend is soooo mainstream.
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08-03-2016 05:07
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I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold and put their laundry away the same day.
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08-03-2016 05:07
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Always buy those nonprofit charity run tshirts from Goodwill so people will think I care about stuff.
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08-03-2016 05:06
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Wish the girls who rejected me in High School could see how many Pokemon I've caught.
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08-03-2016 05:02
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I don't appreciate how quickly you agree when I admit that I'm imperfect.
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08-03-2016 05:01
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How To Tell If Your Kid Is Doing Drugs: 1. Are your drugs missing?!?!
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08-03-2016 05:00
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If someone lets me out in front of them in traffic, as I merge in, I give them the finger just to see the look of pure confusion on their face.
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08-03-2016 04:58
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Porn is more American than apple pie! Mostly because apple pie is Dutch.
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08-03-2016 04:57
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Might not be a master of romance. But I do know ladies enjoy it when I sing Obsession by Animotion while I'm hiding in their closet.
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08-03-2016 04:56
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Autocorrect changing "restaurant" to "restraint" can really ruin the asking a girl on a date experience.
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08-03-2016 04:55
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Just cause your sister or brother says you're a poopie head doesn't mean you're a poopie head.
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08-03-2016 04:53
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You've officially reached middle age when purchasing new cleaning products gives you goosebumps.
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08-03-2016 04:52
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Sweaty in the streets and still sweaty in the sheets.
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08-03-2016 04:51
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If you leave a dream catcher in the rain, does it become a wet dream catcher
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08-03-2016 02:03 by @DJPhatJ
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why do people say" I know you like the back of my hand"? who really knows anything about the back of their hand?
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08-03-2016 00:20
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