doc noland Funny Status Messages

   If we make a baby, I want his or her name to remind us of that magic night - besides, how many other Doggystyle Rumplemintz Daniels can there be?

   The soundtrack to my life would just be the sound of a single car door shutting. Every. Single. Weekend.

   You wouldn't think I've ever had a stroke unless you saw me trying to get my wallet out my back pocket while driving.

   For some reason, they dont seem to be marketing the Tickle Me Elmo as heavily this Christmas.

   I have only had two loves in my life: Booze and something else

   John Gruden took my 4th grade picture to his Great Clips stylist.

   sometimes instead of poking you, I just press my finger against your profile pic and do that little coochie coo motion and whisper "girlfriend".

   whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I'm in public

   it still a disorder if I only cut other people?

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend. Lets all reflect on my life together.

   How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.

   Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them.

   hmmm, I wonder where the girls that ate the poopoo out of the cup are today?

   I've never gone down on a man, but I'm probably pretty amazing at it from all the times I've stopped soda fizz from overflowing.

   Yes, Yes, YES! Not entirely sure what a "propriate" is, but apparently I'm in it...

   If Elmo is a kid toucher I'd hate to think what goes on down in Oscar's trash can

   Show me on this Elmo doll where the bad man touched you...

   If you don't get a text or email for 10 minutes you restart your phone because its probably frozen, right?

   If they were to make a porn on my life, It would be fully clothed people apologizing to each other.

   Been trying to write a romantic poem for hours, but so far all I have is "a55 rocket".