Mickey Funny Status Messages

   Why didn't God use the same anchoring system for head hair as he did for nose hair?

   Hellooooo....It's 2012.....Where's my flying car already?....Helloooooo.....

   I just thought of something. What happens if you become addicted to cold turkey?

   Me and my recliner...we go way back.

   "I don't know why poor people hate me. There's always a new refrigerator box in my front yard for them to use."~ Rush Limbaugh

   Dear fake profile with bikini pics that just friend requested me: 1. I have a great memory for hot chicks; I don't know you. 2. 52 of our "mutual friends" are idiots. 3.They're all guys......color me surprised.

   You can take the "trash" out of the trailer, but you can't take the "trailer" out of the trash.

   We had a happy marriage; it was all that living together afterwards that caused the trouble.

   I just watched Godzilla backwards. It's like, it's about this dinosaur who insanely pieces a city back together, then moonwalks into the ocean.

   I took a Russian model shopping. Got her lots of stuff. She called home and I overheard her say in Russian, "Mama, he eece a verry rich man!" Good thing she couldn't read the sign that said 'Dollar General'.

   I wish I had a "friend with benefits." By benefits I mean they would own an ice cream store, and the benefits would be free ice cream.

   Joe Paterno has died....Now Penn State students can riot again and break more $hit.

   I have this roomie who must go thru half a roll of toilet paper every time she uses the bathroom. I'm going broke. Some people are so @nal when it comes to wiping their a$$.

   Women on fb. They "Poke" you a hundred times a day. Then they find Mr. Perfect for the millionth time and then disappear...until the big breakup a week later...then the Pokes start up again. DELETE!

   Really now... a show called: "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

   My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

   My sofa loves playing hide n' seek with the remotes, clever ba$tard always wins too.

   there really a benefit to listening to a Hip Hop CD in shuffle mode?

   I wonder if young people on honeymoons today have as much sex as we did when I was young. For the first week on our cruise, most people thought my wife and I were Siamese twins.

   When I was in the 10th grade I was taught $ex-ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian.