Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Does anyone else feel more sorry for the dog with the homeless guy than the guy himself?

   Don’t you hate it when you type in your username and password without looking at the screen, then after you press enter, you realize the cursor is not even on the login screen?

   There’s nothing more annoying than having a song stuck in your head that you don’t know all the words to.

   It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.

   It would be really funny if the GPS changed voices depending on what part of town you are in. YOOO Man, Yawll enturrin da ghetto! teerrrn leffft and' hit up tha likor store beeotch! Nah Nah Nah Nah Yawll misst da teeern. You are reallly dumm. Fur reel.

   My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.

   Thank you, flowers, for being the perfect way to say, "My love for you is beautiful but will die very soon."

   Guys, for Valentine's Day leave 3 notes scattered around your house for your girlfriend that say "Will", "you", and "me." That'll keep her busy while you watch sports.

   I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.

   It's Valentine's Day... If you arer married, go and kiss your wife or husband, if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, do the same... and if you are single, kiss the ground and thank GOD!!! =)) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

   Valentine's Day is the day that the “V” and “D” come together ...

   My neighbor knocked on my door at 2am this morning and said, "Yo, I can't fcking sleep." "Well it's your lucky day," I said, "I've got a party going on in here, come in."

   My boss accuse me of being immature, but I had my hands over my ears and told him I wasn't listening.

   During sex, you burn as many calories as running 5 miles. Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?!

   My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the drain is clogged again."

   I have a tool for everything in my shed. Including the tool to open the lock when I lose my key ...

   Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I'd have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.

   We're all part of the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

   You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.

   I just invented a cell phone that looks like a beer can. Now all you idiots can look cool when you take your picture in a mirror