Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1198 of 6446

If you're not my friend, click like then copy and paste this on your timeline. If we're truly friends, do nothing. I'd never insult your intelligence with such a ridiculous command.
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08-04-2016 14:26 by Mickey
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Miss Teen USA Karlie Hay says using racial slurs online was a "careless mistake." And promises to only use them privately from now on.
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08-04-2016 14:25
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I think I just caught Scott Stapp on Pokemon Go.
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08-04-2016 14:24
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Instead of Olympic Gold, Silver or Bronze medals, winners receive copies of a Purple Heart made in China. Losers are fired.
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08-04-2016 14:24
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"Thank God we all have such insanely uninformed political opinions and tons of social media platforms on which to post them." -America
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08-04-2016 14:22
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Just lost 15 pounds which subsequently is how much my hopes and dreams weighed.
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08-04-2016 14:20
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I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.
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08-04-2016 12:48 by gil
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Single woman, 29, into parachuting, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.
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08-04-2016 12:41 by Fazzella
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Some woman just gave me a hard time for smoking my whole life. She said if I didn't smoke, I could afford a Maserati. I asked her if she ever smoked and she said, "Never." I go, "Where's your Maserati?"
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08-04-2016 12:38 by Fazzella
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It isn't Hillary who I can't stand...it's her fans.
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08-04-2016 12:34
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FOUND CAT: Orange tabby found off River rd. yesterday,,, Approximately 8 lbs,,, No collar,,, Tasted like chicken. .. Please call 892-****
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08-04-2016 11:45 by snotty
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You can only say ''WTF?'' so many times a day until you just decide to start drinking.
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08-04-2016 10:00
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Trump or Hillary? Top socket or bottom socket?
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08-04-2016 09:53
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A woman would always comment LAMO on my posts. I finally said, "It's LMAO." She goes, "No, I mean LAMO, as in, "Your jokes are Lame-o!" (Okay, I made that up but let's face it, my jokes are so dry I have to serve water with them.)
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08-04-2016 09:20 by Fazzella
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If I'm ever found dead in the mountains with a pair of hiking sandals on my feet, know that I was murdered & made to wear some dork's shoes.
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08-04-2016 07:37 by huck
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The saying "More than one way to skin a cat" Probably came from a Chinese food restaurant owner
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08-04-2016 04:33 by @DJPhatJ
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Of course I play volleyball. In fact I’m very good at it. Just give me the damn racket and I show yow you...
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08-04-2016 03:59
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319 million people in the US and somehow after an exhaustive search we ended up with Trump and Hillary! So .... I guess if you want a leader that is full of corruption and deceit you know which one to vote for. Or vote for the other one.
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08-03-2016 23:22
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"Ladies we have no interest in how nice you dress or what your bodies look like, ..... We are only interested in your Brains" ......... Sincerely Yours .... Zombies
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08-03-2016 22:58
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Trump Unfit? Obama entered office without any successful executive experience .... and after Eight Years in Office ..... Will leave .... in the same way .....
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08-03-2016 22:21
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