Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm almost certain that any one of us born between 1975-1983 could potentially be one of Burt Reynolds children.

   As far as my liver knows, today's my birthday....

   Just took a Sex And The City character quiz tonight and got the bored boyfriend who was forced to watch.

   I just ordered this awesome t-shirt: "I participated in the Brexit vote and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Hmmm. Too soon.

   Britain: Now that you're no longer part of Europe, can you finally admit that soccer sucks?

   I dunno.Was EVERYBODY Kung Fu fighting? Wasn't there at least one guy watching the door?

   Based on my experiences in the New York City subway system, Jehovah's Witnesses are a source of renewable energy.

   .... Heck ..... ow can you trust a government that leaves you defenseless against an enemy your own Government Imported?

   I heard Rickon Stark's favorite band is One Direction.

   For some reason the British people have been complaining that they had to donate 20% of their entire economy to the European Economic Union ..... How selfish of them.

   The American People are voicing the collective concern over the shocking attempts by Democrats to gut and abuse the US Constitution. So predictably the Democrat response to this concern is to Abuse and Gut the the United States Constitution.... Go Figure

   "Is you house baby-proof?" Yes, I threw like 7 babies at it and the house didn't break.

   The lawsuit against Starbucks for underfilling coffee drinks is the new definition of first world problems.

   I'm going to spread this all over your moist cupcake. ~ Baker sext

   *Slices up lemons right in front of life*

   Spider-Man in the streets, the Hobgoblin in the sheets.

   Popeyes favorite tool never rusted because he kept sticking it in Olive Oil.

   Some Warning Labels are a little stupid, like on my Deodorant it says, "Avoid Contact with Eyes"....TOO LATE, I've already seen it!!!

   Sarah Palin still a Trump loyalist?

   Don't worry inbox, I'm empty too.