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Don't Tell The Kids #1: But the monster is under their bed because it refuses to pay rent for a full room.
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08-05-2016 19:42
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Don't Tell The Kids #2: But I spent their inheritance on gummy bears and Swedish fish.
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08-05-2016 19:40
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Trying to choose who to Vote for President is like trying to choose whether to eat a Dog Turd or a Cat Turd.
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08-05-2016 19:00
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... It is a proven fact that when you clean out a Vacuum Cleaner .... You become a Vacuum Cleaner.
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08-05-2016 18:17
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Cracker Barrel commercials brag about their mac and cheese because everything else sucks.
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08-05-2016 17:57
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You can tell how rich someone is from their reaction when you tell them you had cheese toast for dinner.
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08-05-2016 15:56
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Preparing for old age by sitting on a bench watching construction workers lay cement. This will be my joy one day.
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08-05-2016 15:55
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Hey automatic flushing toilets, I decide when I'm finished.
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08-05-2016 15:54
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MTV's show Pimp My Ride was just propaganda for everyone to get tweed seats.
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08-05-2016 15:52
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Regardless of what you believe I think we can all agree that God is real and you're a Christian.
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08-05-2016 15:51
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Couples who smoke cigs together is like so Romeo & Juliet.
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08-05-2016 15:50
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A recent study shows that alcohol is a direct cause of 7 forms of cancer. And after hearing this bad news, I could really use a drink or two.
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08-05-2016 15:49
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They don't warn of how powerful and invincible you feel wearing a rain poncho.
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08-05-2016 15:46
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Gang Initiation: Eat tortilla chips when you have a cut on the roof of your mouth.
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08-05-2016 15:45
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As an adult male, I should have taken women's multivitamins as a boy to mature faster.
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08-05-2016 15:44
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Saw a woman pushing her dressed up cat in a stroller. When are we going to take mental health seriously in this country?
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08-05-2016 15:43
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Gum without the commitment: Mentos.
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08-05-2016 15:42
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People think I'm a good guy but I used to have a Jar Jar Binks poster.
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08-05-2016 15:41
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Brazil tie with South Africa 0-0 in soccer at Rio Olympics. Not to worry, though: EVERYONE goes home with a free Zika virus.
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08-05-2016 15:39
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Ladies you know what tonight is...Olympics and Chill?
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08-05-2016 15:38
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