Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1193 of 6383
Met a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
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06-28-2016 15:10 by Fazzella
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They should totally turn that Game of Thrones show into a book.
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06-28-2016 15:06
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Brexit, is a British expression. Translated into American, Brexit means "Money exiting my 401k."
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06-28-2016 15:00
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Trying to convince myself peanut M&M's and red wine is an acceptable snack because together, they have the same ingredients as trail-mix.
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06-28-2016 14:55
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Iceland knocked out Britain out of Euro 2016 soccer. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to England since Brexit last Thursday.
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06-28-2016 14:52
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Now that the Supreme Court has ruled on the Texas law, I'm sure the ruling will end all debate on abortion.
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06-28-2016 14:49
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Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh... -People flipping the channels at 4 am in the morning
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06-28-2016 14:47
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The number of weeks sisnce giving up coffee is directly proportional to the number of people I've wanted to stab.
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06-28-2016 14:42
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Dog farts smell worse than human farts because they've been in there seven times longer.
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06-28-2016 14:39
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Visit Britain because it's finally sorta affordable.
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06-28-2016 14:36
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Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
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06-28-2016 14:34
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If you judge me by my before coffee state of mind, we can't be friends
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06-28-2016 14:14 by Baddie
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Right now the most stable currency in the UK is the Cadbury Creme Egg.
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06-28-2016 14:14
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Money aside, what do you wish you had more of?All the money that you've pushed to the side
.... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...
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06-27-2016 22:36
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Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
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06-27-2016 19:32 by Snotty
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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest
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06-27-2016 11:15 by Miguel
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Ever been so juiced you started speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne?
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06-27-2016 09:53
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All aboard the disoriented express.....
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06-27-2016 09:46
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...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......
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06-27-2016 00:26
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