Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Olympics Fun Fact: Each athlete gets one "do over" per Olympics.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christian Rock Bands: Fooling me with their peppy intros since 1995.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A 41 year old gymnast is competing in her 7th Olympics. I just texted my son and offered him $5 to come downstairs and hand me the remote.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weird how all the Olympians are really in shape.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI the security at Target gets a little huffy if you bring your own custom-made cart.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The "death tax" is obviously a big issue for non-millionaire people in Detroit who have no estate and also no safe drinking water.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Debating an internet troll is like teaching a monkey how to drive a car. You both get frustrated and one of you ends up throwing feces.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you try something new and you aren't immediately awesome at it, say it's stupid and never try it again.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching swimming isn't really that exciting and you know it.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust people who try and trick you into eating healthy.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 02:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My message in a bottle would simply say 'please fill with vodka' and include a return address.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 02:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Video killed the radio star, and anime killed the Pornhub star, because circle of life.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 02:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a terrible human because I really can't stand to hear anyone hiccuping, coughing, sniffing or breathing....
←Rate | 08-09-2016 02:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They need to bring back beatings in schools because I know a few people who need to go back and learn a lesson the hard way.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 02:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the GPS, I typed "comedy career" as my destination and it took me to the nearest CoinStar.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 01:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a nice long talk with my niece about drugs....which ones are the best, who in town sells it, stuff like that.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rio 2016 Olympic officials change the name of "Zika" to "Zikachu" and now everyone wants to catch it.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 01:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump's Economic Team: 1) His accountant. 2) Random billionaire. 3) Omarosa. 4) Wesley Snipes. 5) Bernie Madoff.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 01:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about the Olympics is pretending I know what half these sports are.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 01:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Rio 2016 Olympics maintain the Greek tradition of spending way too much money and only working a week every four years.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 01:10 Comments (0)  




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