Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ... In the former USSR they called it Propaganda. In the United States .... They call it news.

   ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America

   ... Ask Yourself ... If the "Clinton Foundation" is such a Philanthropic entity ... Why didn't a single person mention it during the Democrat Convention? .... NOT EVEN HILLARY HERSELF!!!

   Now I know why NASCAR fans don't watch the Olympics....Watching swimming is 10X slower than running and 1000X slower than automobile racing.

   There is an American Olympic diver named "Steele Johnson". He could have a great job in adult films with that name...

   Bernie Sanders just used your $27 donations to buy himself a new summer home

   My money tree is also dying. No wonder I'm broke.

   Oh you dont like your job, there's a support group for that, it's called Everyone...and they meet at the bar

   Water polo? How do they prevent the horses from drowning?

   I remember years ago my wife would undress and her torso would look like the hottest thing ever. Nowadays when she undresses, her torso looks like Homer Simpson.

   everytime a news organisation asks either Trump himself or one of his children on any network, they always start with...Well Hillary did this...! GIVE US YOUR POLICIES MR TRUMP instead of shifting the blame.

   ... Just been watching Ladies Olympic Beach Volleyball and there has already been a wrist injury .... But I should be OK by Monday

   No Mom, It's not just a 'phase.' It's really who I am.....

   Always have very good instincts. For example, I can always tell when someone is throwing hot coffee on me.

   Olympics Fun Fact: Each athlete gets one "do over" per Olympics.

   Christian Rock Bands: Fooling me with their peppy intros since 1995.

   A 41 year old gymnast is competing in her 7th Olympics. I just texted my son and offered him $5 to come downstairs and hand me the remote.

   Weird how all the Olympians are really in shape.

   FYI the security at Target gets a little huffy if you bring your own custom-made cart.

   The "death tax" is obviously a big issue for non-millionaire people in Detroit who have no estate and also no safe drinking water.