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Trump and I do agree on one thing. We'd both like to b@ng his daughter.
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08-10-2016 10:47 by
Clem Diddlyiscious
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Some call it 'Hump Day.' I call it 'False Advertising.'
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08-10-2016 06:52
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Being a woman is exciting because we don't know what mood we will be in next or for how long.
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08-09-2016 23:22
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After I pet someone's dog, I look the person in the eyes and gravely tell them "He knows what you did."
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08-09-2016 23:21
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Would someone go to the kitchen and bring me some Doritos? I'm busy yelling at world class Olympic athletes to swim faster.
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08-09-2016 23:20
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Used to think drunk texting ex girlfriends was a bad thing than I started sober texting ex girlfriends.
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08-09-2016 23:17
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If Tim Tebow plays in the MLB, I hope it's for Anaheim. So after an 0-4 day, the headline will say: "Even Jesus Can't Save The Angels."
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08-09-2016 23:15
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I’ve hugged my mother-in-law with more warmth than those female gymnasts at the Olympics.
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08-09-2016 23:13
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My wife could work for CSI the way she can spot one of my hairs on the sink after I shave.
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08-09-2016 23:13
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If I ever opened a crystal meth kiosk at a mall, it would be called “You Do the Meth!”
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08-09-2016 23:12
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If you begin your argument with "My whole thing is," I will hand you a pudding pop and never speak to you again.
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08-09-2016 23:11
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How often do I use this exfoliating bath sponge if I want to lose 40 pounds?
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08-09-2016 23:10
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True fear is getting in your car at night and seeing a spider and hitting the windshield wipers and realizing the spider is in the car.
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08-09-2016 22:59
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Not saying I'm lazy but my computer was running slow today so I closed all the open tabs and found one that was still logged into an AOL chat room.
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08-09-2016 22:58
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Bearded Dragons are just hipster reptiles.
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08-09-2016 22:54
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Man of Steel 2 is in development. So he didn't die? How about a SPOILER ALERT!!!
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08-09-2016 22:54
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Just saw a dolphin that had a tattoo of a white girl on its rear fin.
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08-09-2016 22:53
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"We don't like any of this! Wait, we LOVE this thing here!" -The Internet
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08-09-2016 22:51
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Trump is qualified because he runs successful businesses? Kim Kardashian is a reality star that runs successful businesses also.
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08-09-2016 22:50
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.... So .... Julian Assange just revealed that the guy behind the Leak of Hillary's Emails IS the guy that was murdered last week. Gee .... What are the chances?
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08-09-2016 22:06
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