Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The Duty of a true Patriot is to protect his country from it's government.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 04:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN FACT: Hillary Spent More Time Taking Questions from FBI Than She Did from Reporters This Year
←Rate | 07-05-2016 04:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suddenly wishing that I hadn't purchased the alien abduction insurance plan with a high deductible for all my camping trips this summer.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1776: No Taxation Without Representation!!! 2016: No Commenting Without Liking!!!
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:38 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just tried natural peanut butter. My week is off to a horrible start.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are less likely to kill your family during a long car trip if you are playing Travel BINGO.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instagram is good for showing highlights from your day, but Snapchat brings to life all those boring, in-between moments no one cares about.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How's my day going? I just watched a fastest fish fillet competition video and had a rooting interest for one of the participants.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm awesome cuz I can do 50 push-ups. Granted not at once and over 57 days.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The #1 asset in my portfolio right now is Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon July 4th: The celebration of liberating slave owning populations from their higher masters with dragons, oh wait that's Game of Thrones.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only at the fair can you pay $500 for a $12 stuffed animal.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes say that I use Uber just to sound cool, when in reality I took the city bus.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This November I'm voting for the candidate who will bring back the original Four Loko recipe that killed those college kids.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more money you spend on a trip the less likely your kids will have a complete meltdown.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to eat healthy, too lazy to make a smoothie, so just ate the ingredients one by one. Probably shouldn't have washed it down with whiskey.
←Rate | 07-05-2016 01:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you travel to Mexico Donald Trump will require you to help pay for the wall.
←Rate | 07-04-2016 21:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Enjoy your last Independence Day before it's renamed Trump Day.
←Rate | 07-04-2016 21:15 Comments (0)  




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